The Top 10 Ways To Survive The Not-Quite-So-Great Depression
10. Go to a swap meet. Swap all your credit defaults for some gently used Pez dispensers.
. Ask if we can pretty pretty please have our trillion dollars back now. Iraq
- Call a random
corporation. Claim to be Henry Paulson Jr. with “an offer they can’t refuse.” Use a gravelly voice. U.S.
- Introduce new
U.S.tourism marketing slogan: “The Collateralized States of America—you know, like , but without the free healthcare and the good cheese.” France
- Keep shopping. We’ve never met a crisis we couldn’t spend our way out of.
- Replace the stock market with a really big game of Chutes-n-Ladders
- Play “Which one of these is not like the others?” using Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, Fannie Mae, AIG, Washington Mutual, Morgan Stanley, and Merrill Lynch.
- Replace all golden parachutes with anvils.
- Convert your retirement plan to crude oil.
- Party like it’s 1929.
Originally written for BBC Radio 4, Sept 26, 2008